I wanted what you had
Happiness, home and loving husband.
You took it all for granted,
You were not there for him.
Call it what you will.
A mid-life crisis, a madness,
Two desperate people saving each other
From drowning in the cesspit of life
I realise it was transient.
I knew the rules
I pushed the boundaries,
Gradually, carefully and
Embedded in the coils of lies,
I tried to inveigle him in.
I dropped everything when he called,
Or in reality when you called
And reminded him of your engagement.
I never asked about a future.
I never asked for anything.
I have nothing now, no gifts to treasure,
No compromising photographs,
Only memories of lies.
We were not honest with each other.
I never said what I wanted.
I never talked about tomorrow.
I never asked why he needed to return
To your bed, even when you were not there.
I never asked what it meant, I did not
Want to hear the answer.
I already knew, he respected you.
He was yours and you were his.
I lived on borrowed time.
I wanted to steal him from you,
But he did not want to be purloined.
He was overcome with loss of joy and meaning.
I was a mere digression.
We dressed it up and called it love,
But lies was all it was.
I underestimated you.
I did not know how strong you were.
I did not realise the power of truth and honour.
When you first found out, I was not worried.
Now I can be his, I thought.
I played along, and you lived a fantasy
Of a marriage resurrected.
I loved the power of deceiving you
It gave me a kick like nothing else.
But my bubble burst and I abandoned.
I see my power was fleeting.
You were too strong.
With no entreaty, no pleading,
You gave a choice, a Hobson one,
Simple and straightforward.
On one end of a see saw, me perched high,
On the other you, family and his self-respect
Keeping him firmly anchored to the ground.
I know now I never stood a chance.
The only person he ever wanted was you,
His wife, and I am left bereft.